I envision my fears as the ingredients to my sun, meaning my happiness and overall purpose. We are usually so afraid of what people may think or say about the choices we make, but if overcoming your fears will make you shine and flourish, why not face them?
Since I launched The Rina Collective last Tuesday, I’m not going to lie to you; I was freaking out. My nerves were out of control and I was so afraid that no one would care to read. I know, horrible thinking, but I’m just being truthful. However, I was excited because this is the first time I have ever been so transparent and honest with my thoughts in public, and allow my creativity to spread through various mediums. This basically feels like I jumped off an airplane and I’d do it all over again.
I must admit that I do fear a lot of things, and some fears cost me opportunities in the past that could have changed a few stages of my life. I’ll give you a few missed chances that you may yell at me about; performing at a poetry slam, interviewing J. Cole at my university, and attending a college out of state. Now, the college thing took me awhile to get over because as an inspiring poet coming out of high school, I wanted to be in New York so badly but I just did not want to leave my family and live in an unfamiliar place. Yet, I’m grateful because I was involved so much at my Alma Mater like performing poetry at a few college shows, being an editor for the student newspaper, and giving back to various communities across the nation. Plus, who knows where I’ll be in graduate school and beyond.
Although I missed out on a few things, I can’t continue to beat myself up over it, and neither should you, because there will be more opportunities out there that are only meant for us. What I learned from living in a Christian household is to release all of my fears to a higher power, and allow it to help me overcome them. After 23 years of my mother continuously telling me this, I’m starting to listen and grow from it. At least, I hope I continue to grow because my current fear is crucial for me for overcome. Traveling alone.
I have nearly two weeks to decide if I want to go to this huge event…in another state…BY MYSELF. I do want to make clear that my decision to go alone is by choice and for a good reason. As a woman who has been relatively quiet and shy her whole life, I noticed how social I am with just close friends around me, and how anti-social I am to the outside environment while I am with them. By attending this special event alone, that is known for its safe environment and opportunity to network, I want to step out of my shell, self-discover, and force myself to talk to people. Plus, I could meet my future husband at one of these places…
Hey…I seen it happen to other people.
However, while it’s great to ask family and friends for their advice on a decision, I have to be careful because for one, I’m a bit sensitive and can be easily offended, and two; I am realizing that others’ advice exposes me to their own fears. There were moments when I didn’t go somewhere or do something because someone told me I shouldn’t do it, and then realized later I really should have done it. Has that ever happen to you? You got the perfect outfit ready for this event, you just created a song that you want to perform, you built an app that could help a lot of people, but you listened to someone else and let them project their fears on you.
It’s like a punch in the stomach when you feel like you missed out on an opportunity that would have given you happiness or help you establish a purpose, because of others’ opinions. I don’t want you, myself, and anyone else to continuously make that mistake.
So, will I go to this event? You’ll find out in about two weeks. Life is so short, and I want to use my twenties to blossom and face all the fears I have in order to be completely happy. However, age is not an excuse. As long as you live on this earth, it’s never too late to face your ingredients of happiness and tackle them.