Recently, I had an unexpected (but expected) door close on me, that really shifted my perspectives on life in a major way. Being a young woman on the job and career search has been incredibly stressful and nauseating, but every closed door brought me to an open door that strengthened me each time. This year has been interesting, risky, heartbreaking, and relieving all at once, and now I’m suddenly at peace for some reason.
In the beginning of this year, I decided to close a door that I wanted to do two years prior, but I wanted to commit to something and by doing that, I had to sacrifice my interests, needs, and happiness for three and half years to support myself through college. I think that we all have to go through that in our lives; a stage where we have to just sacrifice the things we value the most, just to survive everyday life. However, that very stage can kill you internally. Although I put on a smile, balanced two jobs and activities, and made some money, I put my goals of being a poet and writer aside, I feared many opportunities that would have helped my goals, and I had no reason to live other than to get up out of bed an hour before school or work.
That was my cue to end this cycle.
After that closed door, I was beginning to see life differently and I somewhat had control over what environment I needed, in order to be my authentic self. Three doors closed on me this year, and this most recent one felt different than the others. This was how I was last week: I cried, wiped my tears, prayed every night, went through stressful and sleepless nights, and then I asked for help on Facebook.
The last time that I asked for prayers and help specifically on Facebook was about two years ago during my senior year of college, and I was overly stressed and emotional in the library. I didn’t care about likes (even though I got a ton unexpectedly that day), I just wanted someone to see it, and just pray. I honestly believe that day led me to graduation months later, and I’m forever grateful for everyone that read that post.
This is what I like about social media the most; not just sharing posts and commenting, but actually communicating and networking with the friends that you’re connected to. Last Monday shocked my system because I needed to be put in the right direction, and many people reached out to me with advice, thoughtful words, and resources that I didn’t know about.
From that experience, I have to tell you to not be afraid of asking for help. I tell myself that daily, but it really is the truth. I used to (and still sometimes do) feel like I had to always figure out things on my own because I was usually the one that helps other people. Wow, was I wrong. This world is not as horrible as media sometimes portrays it to be, and everyone, even people who helps others, need that love and support in return. You never know what someone may have stumbled upon that will help you tremendously with your journey. This is how I get doors open, along with faith, prayer, and a ton of confidence on my part. Although this is a tough time for me, it will not stay this way unless I do nothing about it. I look at closed doors differently, but I am at a place where I want to find an open door that will remain open. If it’s a temporary door, I have to expect it to close at some point, and all it does in that short time is give me more knowledge, strength, and certainty for my future.
For some people, they immediately know exactly what they want in life and future, the moment they step foot into the first open door. As for me and others, it takes more than one door to find purpose in this thing called life. I’m excited and nervous, but I know that I’ll be alright. It’s time to search for that key.
Happy Indigenous Peoples’ Day.